Vinegar's Mystery
by Felons Dictation
Summary: When vinegar gets poured onto the Mystery Meat and BJ has to eat it, what will happen? HawkeyeBJ SLASH


**Title: **Vinegar's Mystery

**Summary: **When vinegar gets spilled on Mystery Meat, who will eat it? HawkeyeBJ slash.

**Disclaimer: **I don't own MASH or any of the characters and places mentioned. That, my dear readers, belongs to Fox.

**Claimer: **I own this story. Reviews would be greatly appreciated and will earn my gratitude and respect.

**Anything Else: **Why yes. Like most of my writings, this is Slash. HawkeyeBJ actually. So if you don't like Slash, don't read this. But, compared to my other writings (both on and off this site), this is very, very mild.

**On to the story!**

* * *

I sighed and looked at Hawkeye, "You want me to put what where?" He just looked at me and giggled. Once with the rolling of the eyes he began to explain again. 

"Alright," he began ever so fervently, "I want you to put a whole entire bottle of vinegar on tonight's Mystery Meat and then eat it."

Can someone say gross for me, because I think I just lost my speaking ability? He was clearly drunk. Half a still full of lighter fluid and I think anyone would be off his or her asses. I had had one glass so far. I really wasn't up to drinking tonight. On the contrary, Hawkeye was almost falling over as he tried to put on his boots.

"Are you sure about this?" I looked at him while pulling on my ownpair ofboots. I then looked at the still and sighed. All of that gin… Someone could certainly get alcohol poisoning off of it. But, oh well…

"My fine, fine friend. I am almost certain that this will be one of the funniest nights we've had in a very, long time." I hated how he did that. You know, how he speech was inevitably better after poisoning himself so drastically. He was the only one I knew who could do something like that. With those final thoughts, we left the Swamp and headed over to the mess tent. Great. I can't believe this.

Once we had our Mystery Meat on a tray, we stared at it for a minute. I gulped and grabbed the vinegar. Taking off the cap I took a final glance at Hawkeye, "Are you positive?"

He came back with a delicate answer, "Why no… I don't think I can get pregnant." I rolled my eyes as a lazy grin draped his face. Damn… I sighed and dumped the vinegar all over the mystery meat. I watched in horror as it started to fizz.

"Ah… Hawkeye? Is it supposed to do that?" I looked up at him and watched as he poked the substance with fascination. I guess, in a drunken state of mind, this would be oddly entertaining.

"Does this mean it's infected? Or bacterial?... It's vinegar's mystery, isn't it?" I heard him ask those questions quizzically and sighed. I put my hands over my face and rubbed up and down. I guess that motion got his attention because when I removed my hands, he was staring at me with a smile and sparkles in his eyes. His eyes… They could hypnotize anyone, sparks of grey and yellow-

"Captains! What are you doing? Why are there specimens in here?" I looked up to see Frank and Margaret standing before us. They were pointing accusingly at the vinegar coated Mystery Meat that was currently a white blob of fizz.

"Are you two having a staring contest?" I heard Margaret's no-nonsense tone and looked back to Hawkeye who was still staring at me. I smiled at him and held his gaze for a moment before turning my gaze back to the two Majors.

"Perhaps not, but I think we'll continue it back in the swamp. Hawkeye?" I looked over to him and nodded. He grinned. With that, I handed the tray to the Majors, "Dinner is on us."

Back at the swamp I looked at Hawkeye. Those eyes, those beautiful blue eyes. They reminded me of winter, in a sense. The cold of the winter, perhaps the blue water under ice. They were magnificent. I sighed and leaned back on my cot to close my eyes and think of all the things Hawkeye's eyes were. Amazing. Daring...

A few minutes later I looked back up at Hawkeye who was staring at me again. He was sitting in his favourite chair with his feet propped up on the stove. He wore that "Devil May Care" expression so well. It fitted him too. Him and those eyes…

I was brought out of my trance, per se, by the sound of him setting his glass down on the still's table. I looked at him again and smiled. He smiled back and finally spoke.

"So… What're we going to do?" He asked me like I knew. Hey! A staring contest could be interesting. I looked at him and smiled.

"Perhaps, a staring contest?" He nodded and came over to sit next to me. We sat cross-legged on my cot as to fit. Then we were off.

After about 45 second of staring, he finally spoke without blinking. "So, are you going to kiss me, or not?" I was shocked and blinked at him to see if I was dreaming. "Hah, you lost." He smiled with that winning smile. The one that made the girls swoon.

I looked at him for a moment and smiled back. With that, I leaned forward and placed my lips against his and pulled back. He has the softest lips I've ever felt. I smiled proudly and shrugged my shoulders. I had won. I looked him over and smiled brighter. At that moment I realized I was gay for Hawkeye Pierce.

"You're using me…" I looked at him, "I like it." It was true; he was using his looks to get me. And it worked fabulously.

He wrapped his arm around my neck and pulled me forward into a deep, forceful kiss. I enjoyed it. And then things went underway. Our tongues danced in each other's mouths for what seemed like ages and we only stopped when we took off each other's shirts. Then, the pants came off along with the shorts. I sighed. I somehow ended up on bottom, but I didn't care.

It was pure bliss.

**

* * *

**

**A/N: **Alright… It was… Different, a lot more different than what I usually write. Please, review if you actually took the time to read this. Flames with be used to cook smores on. Constructive criticism is greatly loved.


End file.
